As a natural forward planner, it was tempting to look at all the various outcomes and start planning for each of them as a way of coping with the ‘out of control’ future. Fortunately, for the first time in my life I did not have enough emotional energy to do this. We had to be really disciplined about staying present in each stage we were in, and embracing this to the full. We would trust God for the grace, insight and wisdom to deal with each stage as we got to it.
Understandably, our families were concerned about how we would cope if we had a child with significant difficulties – so were we! But again, we couldn’t go there until it was actually upon us. We needed to stay present and enjoy the life we’d been entrusted with each day… after all, this was a real life changing experience and we would probably be quite different people by the time we needed to deal with half the things that we could be worried about.
One of the things I had been nervous about was when I’d start looking obviously pregnant. If strangers asked me if I was expecting, I wouldn’t know what to say or how I would handle this emotionally. The turnaround came when I decided to go to a pilates class that a pregnant friend recommended. I had been feeling emotional and didn’t want to tell the instructor that I was pregnant. What if I wanted to come back in a few weeks and I was no longer pregnant - how would I explain that? So I proceeded with the class, and landed up lying on my stomach and rolling on my baby and doing many things that felt totally wrong! After that I think that Sarah Hope decided that if I wasn’t going to tell people she was there, then she would… because I really began to show! But God poured out His grace on me. My mother spoilt me to a couple of designer pregnancy items which meant I could get out of Rich’s baggy t-shirts. I embraced my pregnancy, without shame, and appreciated the joy and privilege of carrying a child.
No comments:
Post a Comment