School - Paving a way for greater socialisation

To start a school journey knowing you have the full support from the institution is just amazing. I have really appreciated teaming together with the staff as we learn how to support Sarah-Hope in this new phase of life. Grade R is a lovely age to be integrated into a bigger school as the children's curiosity is still high and their level of self control is better than the earlier years. On Sarah-Hope's first day at school there were a whole lot of questions from her classmates and on that day she elected that her teacher should explain why she has little arms etc (I have heard her answer this question herself although I did it a lot in the early years). Fortunately in Sarah-Hope's case, the link between her visible arm disability and her adaptive use of her lower limbs is often made quite quickly. Even if it is very unusual to see someone using their feet for 'clapping' and other basic arm functions, when you spend time with Sarah-Hope you quickly realise why she is doing that, often followed by a sense of awe in terms of how she is using her body and how your own probably wouldn't manage doing the same.

Knowing that most of us South Africans have little exposure to people with disabilities, we had planned for Nicky Abdinor, a psychologist and inspirational speaker who was born with no arms and shortened legs, to visit the Grade R class and share her story a few weeks into the first term. The idea was to expose the children to a role model who has significant physical difficulties and yet is doing so much with her life. It was so amusing to see the Grade Rs engage. Perhaps Sarah-Hope had settled in so well they had already forgotten their differently-abled classmate because the way they responded to Nicky you could have sworn they had never seen anyone with limb differences before! The questions were endless - "but how do you brush your teeth? and put on your shoes?" I found it fascinating how they quickly accepted their classmate but when processing an adult who uses their body differently to drive, send text messages on her mobile phone, email on her computer and do real life they were truly astounded! As I arrived at the school for the talk one of Sarah-Hope's friends ran up to me saying that Sarah-Hope is so lucky to have hands as Nicky doesn't have any - so true! Nicky and her mom have told me what an advantage those little hands are. And lying in bed with Sarah-Hope the other night, she was talking to me about her hands and how useful her middle two fingers are to her in particular. "They help me a lot," she said.

After that visit, we realised that it would be wonderful for Nicky to visit Pinelands North Primary School as Sarah-Hope would be progressing to Grade 1 there in 2019 and she was already going onto their campus to the hall or library so many older kids were seeing her whizzing about in her wheelchair but without the same sense of her story. Nicky came and addressed the school during assembly in the third term and shared her stories and messages of inspiration. The children were captivated. Sarah-Hope hadn't been in that assembly but mentioned to her facilitator later that week her confusion as to why so many people were saying hello to her because she had no idea who they were. But she still has had to learn to be friendly in return and polite when people have tried to engage with her and help her, especially if she doesn't want or need the assistance! Sarah-Hope's teacher mentioned this to me - how children were engaging and making an effort and she wasn't really responding. I believe this has improved over the year as she has felt increasingly part of the class, which is great. But what is greater is that Sarah-Hope used to be terrified of people. With an intense medical infancy and more needles stuck into her than we'd like to remember, she would always view a new person suspiciously and wonder what they were going to do to her. So the fact that she is becoming friendly from that baseline is amazing. As a baby she would look serious, like a wise owl. Now she is obviously lively and eager to engage with the people and world around her. So her social development has progressed as she's being exposed to a world much bigger than a hospital and therapy session. I'm so grateful.

Mobility has been a challenge this year (more on this in the next post) and it has had an impact on her relating at school. Grade R is still filled with a lot of outdoor play and more movement than one would expect at the Grade 1 level. Kids move outside and then in a split second may decide to run to the jungle gym or swings and leave her behind - not intentionally though, that's just how 5 and 6 year olds operate. She started figuring out that the staff supervising the playground were the most likely to be stationary and so would gravitate towards them to sit and watch the children, both because she could rely on them being in the same position but also because she could rest a bit and watch kids which she enjoyed. Her teacher realised this was not going to be a helpful pattern for Grade one though as kids disperse throughout the school in break time and she wasn't going to have the comfort of proximity to teachers for company. And so she was challenged to go out and play in her breaktime, after asking a fellow classmate for help with her lunchbox. In the end she found herself a safe space - the sandpit. Close to where the teachers were located and the door back into the classroom so she didn't have to travel far, and also a place where she could play by herself happily and welcome others into if they chose to come and play there. This is something I've been talking to her about - that although she is used to being accommodated for, there are many other children who also need to reached out to and included and she should use her strengths for this too. It will be interesting to see how she navigates the primary school playground at break time both physically and socially.