It
was so interesting to see Sarah-Hope engage with a new school
environment. She was so excited. In her pretend play in the months
before, she had been talking about facilitators. She had been driving
the wheelchair around on holiday at speed and with joy. And then as a
six year old she suddenly enters a new space with new children around
her along with a fresh sense of wanting to be one of them. She wants to
do things on her own and not need the help of her facilitator. She wants
to walk to the hall by herself like the others and not go in a
wheelchair. Even if it meant walking on her knees the whole way there
and back, a couple of times a day!
The school
mentioned to me that they were chatting to her about it, that the
wheelchair and facilitator are part of her story. And she also began to
realize, I think, that she couldn't keep up with the other kids. A hard
one, but regular part of the grief cycle, acknowledging her losses. But
then that resolved. (see the next post on celebrating about the wheelchair).
She also had to
make the adjustment from the teacher assisting her (which had been the
case in the previous little school) to asking her facilitator to do so. I
had the same battle at home - I occasionally had someone at home, I
would request that she ask them rather than me to take her to the toilet
or get something that was out of reach for her. In my mind she had to
realize that she needed to accept the assistance that was provided for
her - as she wouldn't always be in a position to choose this in her
life. And it was important for her to exercise the muscle of asking for
help from anyone around her in a way that made them comfortable
assisting, even if they were strangers. This ability would help her
navigate institutions and unpredictable events. And she improved - from
reliance on her teacher only, to including her facilitator and then also
friends later in the year.
One afternoon we were getting our
things together to go for a swim. People usually feel uneasy watching me
carry my kids (Sarah-Hope as she needs to be carried, and Libby as she
wants to get the same assistance as her sister), as well as their stuff.
But because I have often needed to figure out how to get through these
logistical challenges on my own, I don't ask for help until I really
need it. So one day Sarah-Hope says to me, 'why don't you accept help
when people offer'? What a question! And I realized how important it is
to model those things which you want your children to catch. Yes, she
needs help. But so do I.
As I've pondered
much in the last few years, I have come to believe that
long term living in interdependent community is the only sustainable
solution. Every person deserves to be supported, and have the privilege
of strengthening others. Working out what load we should carry on our
own, and what we should shoulder with others is one of wise discernment
and in my family it changes frequently depending on health levels in
particular... and then boundaries have to be reestablished in terms of
who does what and how we ask for and receive support. It is not always
clear cut. And so because of the amount of support I've needed since
becoming a mum, I've wanted to reserve it until I really do need it. My
asking for support shouldn't be driven by the immediate response others
have when they see me in a given situation. Although
sometimes participation in each other's stories can mean sharing not out
of desperate necessity but out of the joy of being and doing something
together.
May I model dependence on the Lord's help by receiving and
requesting support regularly - and being the Lord's help to others as
often, even if its a simple genuine question asked about how someone is
or knowing embrace offered with no other words. And may Sarah-Hope know the Lord supporting her through many - and the strength that she can offer to others as well.
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