It so happened that Rich didn’t work full time for four months after Sarah-Hope was born. He was finishing off a contract, almost started another one which didn’t come through and then got another job. It basically meant he had a full paternity leave (in terms of time, not pay!), and we cherished every day of it – from enjoying parenthood, to loving all the time we had together and getting a few things sorted out at home to facilitate this family stage of life we had landed in! It felt like a sabbatical. In my journal I wrote:
“I wanted to take a few minutes to write about how special I have found the last few months. I have been profoundly impact by the demonstration of the Father’s love through Rich’s becoming a dad. His lead and love for Sarah-Hope has really spoken to me so much, his example has instructed and encouraged me and where I’ve felt scared and broken, his love has helped me become restful – truly perfect love has driven out fear. I have so appreciated all the time I have had with Rich in these last 4 months. He has been at home with me, helping to feed Sarah-Hope while I express, helping to change her nappy while I organize in the kitchen, spending time with her while I thanked the numerous people who dropped off meals and gifts for her, adoring her and engaging with her and loving her and learning about her as I’ve looked on, taken an interest in every aspect of her… he has literally led me in loving her, in covering her, in exploring and loving her body, in laughing with her, in caring for her practically, in cooing over her… I have learnt so much. He has been an incredible leader of his family. And now this outstanding, not perfect, but wonderful husband and father returns to work. And I have been grieving this truly… for selfish reasons of course… but recognize that this time was a gift.”
Amazingly, it was Richard who bonded with Sarah-Hope from birth. For me, the process of bonding took longer. I didn’t have any “wobbles”, but I realised that I had gone into the birth with layers of self-protection wrapped around my heart, bracing myself for shock and grief. As each week went by another layer would peel off and I was able to love and embrace my daughter in greater measure… and contemplate a future with her. This is what I was looking forward to now with Richard heading back to work – I would have more time with her. If Rich was around, he would be more likely to be with her while I did all the domestic work that supports parenting and communicate with others. Now that we were post her operations, where the surgeons and nurses do most of the work… it was time for her to start seeing therapists, which meant that I needed to get to work! But it also meant an opportunity for me to really own Sarah-Hope’s development. And this proved to be a wonderful way to build a relationship with my daughter.
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